my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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