I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
