were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
