I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
