i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
