I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
