I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
