he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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