even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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