I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
