i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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