I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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