i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
