why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
