Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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