I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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