He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So much Jack, so little girl.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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