Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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