i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
