i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize