Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
