Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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