wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
