Screwed.edu
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
