I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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