Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
