He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
