I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
