just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
