my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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