the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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