I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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