And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
