I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
foreskin is a definite game changer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
