Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
