Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
