would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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