Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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