Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
did i walk over a car last night?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
