I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
