They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
