Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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