I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Your penis caused this!
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