wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
