Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
