I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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