is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
