I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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