i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
