when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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