I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
