So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
