So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're like the curious george of whores
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
