You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
