Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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