Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
