Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A+ Viking dick
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