areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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